Using Tiger Woods to Promote the 'Infidelity Phone'

Let's say you're a healthy, virile, horny male who has no moral or ethical qualms about cheating on your spouse or girlfriend. Someone, like, say ... oh, I don't know ... Tiger Woods.

What's your weakness in hiding that infidelity from those you're cheating on? Cell phone. If you don't intently watch over that smartphone, one of your honeys might check your messages or your texts, and, boom, the jig is up. Right, Tiger?

Well, the Japanese have an answer. It's something Japan's philanderers refer to as the uwaki keitai, or "infidelity phone."

It's 3-year-old flip phone available only in Japan, but its privacy settings are so good at hiding those calls and texts that you want to hide that Japanese philaderers flock to it.

Just how good are the infidelity phone's privacy features? So good that one of the former executives at the company that came up with the features said this:

"If Tiger Woods had this Japanese feature in his phone, he wouldn't have gotten in trouble."

Oh, Tiger, if only you had known! How different might the golf world have looked the past three years if only Tiger Woods had access to the privacy features found in the 3-year-old Fujitsu F-Series phone?

The Wall Street Journal explains:

The aging flip-phone — nicknamed the "uwaki keitai" or "infidelity phone" — owes its enduring popularity to customers who don't believe newer smartphones are as discreet at hiding their illicit romances.

A Japanese blogger who goes by the name Bakanabe and writes anonymously about picking up women, said he looked into buying a new device but found the privacy settings fell short of his current phone. Instead, he opted to refurbish his battered, three-year-old Fujitsu flip-phone with a new casing and a new battery.

"Women may want to check my phone for strange emails or calls when I'm not around. With Fujitsu's 'privacy mode,' they can't see that information at all," he said in an email. "The key is to give off the impression that you're not locking your phone at all."

Fujitsu's "privacy mode" is a layer of nearly invisible security that hides missed calls, emails and text messages from contacts designated as private. If one of those acquaintances gets in touch, the only signal of that communication is a subtle change in the color or shape of how the battery sign or antenna bars are displayed. If ignored, the call doesn't appear in the phone log.

The changes are so subtle that it would be impossible to spot for an untrained eye.

If Tiger Woods ever moves to Japan, now we know why.

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