Making It Easier for Drunk, Fat Guys on the Course

Here's a video intro to something called "scan4beer":



scan4beer is a new business that is launching nationwide in February. Its goal: Make it easier for golfers to get beverages and snacks on the golf course by allowing golfers to summon the beer cart.

No more waiting patiently (or impatiently) for the beer cart to come back around; no more waiting until the turn to pick up your next brewski. No sirree: You want beer and you want it now.

With scan4beer, you swipe your cellphone over a barcode made available by the golf course on items such as ballwashers or inside of golf carts, and the cart girl receives your request to pay a visit. So she drives to your location to serve you.

That sounds kind of cool. And it also sounds like yet another way for golfers to get fat and lazy. And drunk. I'm only half-kidding. Many (perhaps most) golfers who use this service won't be buying beer, but will be buying water, a Coke, a Snickers bar, a bag of chips, a sandwich.

But are we really that lazy, that needy, that we can't wait for the beer girl to make her rounds, or even wait until the turn? Do we really need to demand food and drink right now, in the middle of a golf game?

Why not expand this throughout society? Hey, I'm at the grocery store, and looking at the food on the shelves is making me hungry. Cart girl, drive your vehicle to Aisle 3, please, and feed me! Or I'm in a business meeting and man, all those charts and graphs are boring. Beer girl, get your cute little booty in here and beer me!

Speaking of cute booties: One potential problem with scan4beer lies in ill-behaved drunk golfers misusing the service just to flirt with (or harrass) the cart girl.

Here's something I've always wondered about: Do they have beer carts or "cart girls" outside of the USA? I believe golf carts in general - the riding kind - are much-less used outside the U.S., so I assume beer carts are less common, as well. Comments?

Crouching Tiger Clears English Course

This happened back in May, but it's one of my favorite stories of the year. Golfers and townsfolk in the Hamphsire town of Hedge End in England got a score when there were reports that an escaped white tiger was on the local golf course.

The golf course and surrounding areas were cleared; the local population was warned to stay inside.

Police arrived in droves, as did workers from the local zoo. The police were armed as if for safari; the zoo workers were carrying transquilizer darts. They set out in golf carts to search for the beast, while helicopters hovered overheard keeping watch for the maneating menace.

This is what they found:



A toy. A stuffed tiger.

The Daily Mail reported:

It was only when thermal-imaging cameras failed to register any heat from the target that officers became suspicious.

And when a blast of air from the helicopter blades flipped the ‘tiger’ on to its back, red-faced officers realised they had been stalking a life-size stuffed animal.

Headgear

Paula Creamer posted this photo of herself wearing Pink Panther headgear on Twitter. She said a fan in Taiwan gave it to her. Quick, somebody knit a Pink Panther bikini and give it to Paula!

Halloween Costumes of LPGA Golfers

And what did various LPGA players and other golf hotties dress up as for Halloween? Here are the photos:



That's Paula Creamer above, of course, looking buzzworthy.



Above: The oh-so-lovely Nicole Hage and Jenny Suh. Below, Nicole and Jenny are joined by Mrs. Mark Calcavecchia, who dressed up like Natalie Gulbis. Nice job! Even got the boobs right. (By the way: Also proof that disgusting shlubs can get hot women if they are rich enough.)





Mallory Blackwelder, Big Breaker, LPGA, LET player, above, is the "leg lamp" from Christmas Story.



Above, it's Big Breaker Elena Robles. And below, it's Brits Carly Booth (LET) and Kelly Tidy (Ladies Am champ).



Below, looking mighty hot (if a bit grainy), is Brittany Lincicome doing it NASCAR style:





And that's Blair O'Neal above, dressed as "Winter." A very hot winter. I'm experiencing global warming right now.

These photos were all posted by the golfers on their respective (public) Twitter pages.

The Tiger Woods Hot Dog Incident

If you haven't heard by now, Tiger Woods was interrupted during the Frys.com Open by a man who ran onto the putting green and threw a hot dog at Woods. Yes, a hot dog - frankfurter inside a bun.

The most disturbing part of video above is the end, when a man carries off the offending frank. Tiger is not used to having his wiener handled that way. At least, not by a man.

Catfight! Kerr, Creamer (Allegedly) Hiss, Spit After Solheim Loss

Golf pundits John Huggan and Steve Elling have a back-and-forth feature on CBSSports.com called Pond Scrum in which they, well, go back-and-forth on golf issues. And the Pond Scrum posted following the Solheim Cup includes this juicy allegation that Paula Creamer and Cristie Kerr had a big fight following the Americans' loss:

Huggan: I have no idea what went on in the locker room, but I do have it on good authority that Paula Creamer and Cristie Kerr had a bit of a ding-dong verbal joust late on Sunday night. Creamer apparently felt that the lovely Cristie could have made more of an effort to play her match on Sunday, sore wrist or not.

Huggan: Of course, the way Paula played on Sunday, Cristie could have beaten her playing one-handed considering how Scotland's Catriona Matthew finished Creamer off.

Elling: Gee, you mean Paula wasn't won over by the sling that Kerr had on her arm later Sunday? Was no full-body cast available? Kerr is a princess and has always been. Not especially surprised by her inability or unwillingness to play.

This is the only report of this I've seen; who knows if it's true. I certainly didn't see anything in Kerr's actions to call into doubt the severity of her injury. But Elling's cutting comments about Kerr represent a sort of old-school view of Kerr. She's cleaned up her reputation in recent years, but earlier in her career Kerr was viewed by almost everyone (including her peers) as a prickly, peevish prima donna. She was not popular with other players.

Recall that Kerr began her career as, well, a fattie. She later got hot. And Helen Alfredsson once said of Kerr, "She used to be a fat bitch, and now she's a skinny bitch."

Yowzah!

As recently as the 2007 Solheim Cup, Laura Davies described the American team as "11 nice girls and one ..." well, what Alfredsson said. And there was no doubt about whom Davies was speaking.

But, to reiterate, so far nobody has come forward to corroborate Huggan's report, so perhaps this Creamer-Kerr catfight is just Huggan's fantasy. (And if so, the fight probably happened in the shower.)

I agree with Huggan and Elling 100-percent in this exchange, however:

Elling: Related to Kerr, I'm surprised more Americans were not injured. Creamer had so many flags, ribbons, bows, facepaint and scarves on her head, she could have needed a neck brace. Oh, and let's not forget the sunglasses ti filterout the blinding Dublin glare. Yeah, we get it -- you play for the American team. Geez. She looked like a South Carolina fireworks store on July 4.

Huggan: Yeah, the face-painting and ribbons is just so lame. Throw in the narcissist that is Christina Kim and the whole thing looks more like playtime at kindergarten than it does a serious golf contest. The only thing missing is a swing-set and maybe a water slide.

Wozzilroy?

Here is a photo Caroline Wozniacki posted on Twitter, with the tweet, "Here is my new club @McilroyRory made for me."



Awwwww, ain't that sweet! I wonder if Caroline uses a racket stringer to tie Rory down during their bondage games.

But, c'mon, Wozzilroy? That doesn't have much of a nice ring to it.

A Freak With A Wedge

Here's the latest Tiffany Joh video. Who can ID the rumpshakas?

She Beats It: Tiffany Joh's Tribute to Suzann Pettersen

Tiffany Joh is an LPGA rookie, and she's one of the funniest people in golf. She has a slew of videos on YouTube, many of them featuring her songwriting talent, and her singing "talent." In this, to the tune of Michael Jackson's Beat It, Joh pays tribute to Suzann Pettersen: "She's built like a sedan and hits it like a man."

That's What She Said