Tiger's Top 10 Text Messages

From the ho office ...

Hey, Melissa Reid, Your Panties Are Showing

Not that I'm complaining, mind you ...



Melissa Reid is talented young English golfer playing on the Ladies European Tour. And she's gained quite a bit of notice during the 2009 season for her sometimes skimpy tournament attire. Those are some low-rise shorts, combined with a cropped shirt, and that combination guarantees a bare midriff on just about every swing.

It also sometimes bares Mel's panties. Her Diesel-brand underwear is easily visible in the image above; and is just barely peeking out above the waistband of her shorts in the image below.

This could open up a whole new arena for golf advertising. Perhaps Titleist or TaylorMade will introduce a line of underwear for golfers. Perhaps Melissa should stitch her Web site address into the waistband of those panties. Better yet, maybe her agents should hit up Diesel for an endorsement contract. Before Shaq does (ewwwwwwwww!).

We sometimes go on Booty Patrol, but I guess this is GSB's first Panty Raid.



Click the photos to enlarge if you're having trouble spotting the knickers.

Tiger Woods and Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson says it is not true - not true! - that she flirted with and exchanged digits with Tiger Woods after singing the National Anthem at Woods' July PGA Tour event.

And I .... GOOD LORD LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THOSE THINGS!!! Um, what was I saying?

Check out Tiger's hand. He's dangerously close to grabbing some side boob.

Worst Tournament Name ... Ever

That would be the Waste Management Phoenix Open, the new name of what used to be the PGA Tour FBR Open. Wow. What's the marketing slogan? "With a name like Waste Management Phoenix Open, it's got to be good!"

I get it. Waste Management is a major company; the PGA Tour needs sponsors. In this economy, it takes them where it can find them.

And it could be worse. It could be much worse ...

Top 10 Rejected Names of the Waste Management Phoenix Open
10. Acid Reflux Phoenix Open
9. Open Sewer Phoenix Open
8. Hairy Mole Phoenix Open
7. Stinking Cesspool Phoenix Open
6. Painful Bunion Phoenix Open
5. My Butt Itches Phoenix Open
4. Yeast Infection Phoenix Open
3. Adult Diapers Phoenix Open
2. There's This Weird Thing on My Balls Phoenix Open
1. It Hurts When I Pee Phoenix Open

Tiger's Brit Broadcaster Bedmate?

An article in Us Magazine claims the count of those now claiming affairs with Tiger Woods is up to nine. And the articles says there are rumors that a "British broadcaster ... also ... bedded Woods."

Sweet mother of God. Let's pray it's not Peter Alliss.

Golf Digest Asks: What are 10 Things Obama Can Learn from Tiger?

Golf Spelled Backwards says: I don't know, but I bet defensive driving isn't one of them.

That's the January cover of Golf Digest above, featuring Tiger Woods and President Barack Obama. In the press release announcing its Tiger/Obama cover story, GD includes this:

Fun Fact: Using Golf Digest's Presidential Rankings, we compared the Dow Jones Industrial Average on both the inauguration and final day in office of our best golfing Presidents. Nine out of the top 10 saw increases in the Dow during their terms.

Greeeeeaaaat. Another useless data point for those mystical nitwits of Wall Street to add to their "analytics."

Message to the President: Don't let Tiger near your woman.