More Ways the LPGA Will Require Its Players to "Please" Sponsors

The LPGA recently instituted a rule requiring its players to be proficient in English and requiring them to conduct all interviews in English without the aid of an interpreter. Or face suspension. Why would the pre-eminent women's world golf tour threaten to ban its international players for not being good enough in English?

It's all about pleasing sponsors. The LPGA, apparently, is willing to kick out great players rather than risk having a pro-am player complain after a round that his LPGA partner didn't chat him up sufficiently.

So if the LPGA is willing to go this far to please sponsors and pro-am partners, it's probably willing to go to any level, no matter how low or outrageous, to whore out its players to sponsors and fans.

In fact, here are the ...

Top 10 Other Ways LPGA Will Require Its Players to "Please" Sponsors and Fans
10. No fat chicks. Unless one of the pro-am players is a guy who likes fat chicks. Then overweight golfers will be eligible for a sponsor exemption.

9. Minimum cup size: C.

8. All LPGA players must pass a "visual examination" by guys on Cialis. Those players who don't evoke a "response" are suspended. (Inspectors having an erection lasting longer than four hours should consult a physician or the LPGA Tour commissioner.)

7. Players must be able to serenade pro-am partners and sponsors with sultry version of "Happy Birthday," ala Marilyn Monroe for JFK.

6. New LPGA Tour dress code: tube tops and short shorts.

5. Asian players must refer to all pro-am partners as "Joe" and promise, "me love you long time."

4. Playing partners no longer hug at the conclusion of their tournament rounds, they tongue kiss.

3. Thongs must be visible above waistbands at all times.

2. Fans encouraged to stop shouting "get in the hole!" and start shouting "take off your top!" On second thought, "get in the hole!" still works.

1. Lap dances in the corporate hospitality tents.

Top 10 Rejected Names for John Daly's Murder Rock Golf Club

The following Top 10 list is lifted from WaggleRoom.com. It concerns the fact that a golf club in Missouri has a marketing deal with John Daly to call the course John Daly's Murder Rock Golf Club. Now, Murder Rock is the place name of a Civil War-related site in Missouri. But if you're like me, you cringe a little when you see the combination of "John Daly" and "Murder Rock." Seems a bit of poor taste, given all John's problems.

Anyway, here's the list ...

Top 10 Rejected Names for John Daly's Murder Rock Golf Club
10. John Daly's Domestic Disturbance Golf Club
9. John Daly's I've Got the Shakes Golf Club
8. John Daly's Hootie and Hooters Golf Club
7. John Daly's There's a Horse at Hot Springs That Just Can't Lose Golf Club
6. John Daly's Hoochie Mama Golf Club
5. John Daly's My Wife is Back in the Slammer Golf Club
4. John Daly's I've Got My Divorce Attorney on Speed Dial Golf Club
3. John Daly's Mullets and Gullets Golf Club
2. John Daly's It's Not a Drinking Problem If You're Only Drinking Beer Golf Club

And the No. 1 rejected name for John Daly's Murder Rock Golf Club:

1. John Daly's The Bitch Attacked Me With a Steak Knife Golf Club

I Think I'm Teeing Japanese, I Think I'm Teeing Japanese, I Really Think So

What will the Japanese think of next? How about tees that depict bikini-clad women holding up your balls? Um, your golf balls.

Yep, the top image shows the tee girls at work. (As for what that skirt-clad, disembodied torso is for, I have no idea. And I want to keep it that way.) The image to the left shows the three tees that come per package.

If you can read Japanese, you might be able to learn more here.

(Hat tip to Golfer's Delight.)

Bear on Golf Course Video

Here's video that some dude shot of his TV screen as ESPN was showing highlights of the bear that crossed the fairway at the 2008 U.S. Senior Open. It's kinda like "Blair Bear Project."

For a much higher-quality (but less interesting) clip of the bear, visit Golf Clips.

The Bear Truth

Here's something you don't see every day. A black bear runs across the 13th fairway at the U.S. Senior Open. That's Bernhard - or should we say Bearnhard? - Langer behind the bunker. Nobody seems all that concerned. Except the bear.