Say What?

Sam Torrance: "If you'd offered me a 69 at the start this morning I'd have been all over you."

President George H.W. Bush: "If anybody laughs when I hit it, they're dead - we've got Secret Service here."

Peter Lonard: "I'd stick my head up a dead bear's bum if it made me putt really good."

Letterman's Top 10 List about Rich Beem

From the Aug. 19, 2002, David Letterman show, after Rich Beem held off Tiger Woods to win the PGA Championship.

Top 10 Surprising Facts About Rich Beem
10. He's a compulsive tee-swallower
9. Once ran over a man with a golf cart just to watch him die
8. Bet 10 grand on Tiger Woods
7. For a brief period in 1997, called himself "Richie"
6. Kicked out of PGA in 1999 for having an inappropriate relationship with the 9th hole
5. If his tee time is during "Oprah," he'll quit the tournament
4. Holding a five and seven iron at a certain angle, he can locate underground water
3. He has no endorsements, but he has coupon for 10% off Nike shoes
2. Even he has never heard of him
1. He doglegs to the left, if you know what I mean

Notice No. 2? Dave recycled that one for Zach Johnson's Top 10 list following the 2007 Masters.

Oh, Those Aussie Women

Don't you just love 'em? This Aussie is golfer Belinda Kerr, and she wants to be a houseguest on the next season of "Big Brother Australia." Golf Babes tells how you can help her get onto the show.

She has my vote!

Repair Divots, Menace Playing Partners

Here's a pro shop find: the Green Buddy SwitchBlade divot repair tool. Yep, it's a repair tool that uses a switchblade action to open. After the round, use it to rob a liquor store. (Or, if you're one of those cart-riding, beer-guzzling fat-slob-golfers, rob the liquor store before your round.)

You can find 'em for sale by searching Yahoo for "Green Buddy Switch Blade Tool."